Fake It Till You Make It: How to Be a People Person (Even If You’re Not)

For a lot of us, being a people person feels not only unattainable, but honestly… kind of hilarious. If you weren’t born with effortless charm and magnetic confidence, it’s easy to assume you’ll never have “that vibe” in the office—the one that makes conversations easy, coworkers comfortable, and clients excited to talk to you.

But here’s the truth: you don’t need to be naturally outgoing to connect with others. You don’t need to have perfect small talk or a personality that fills the room. And you definitely don’t need to pretend to be someone you’re not.

At Toner Connect, we believe connection is a skill. It can be learned, practiced, and improved—just like anything else. And once you start building that skill intentionally, you’ll be surprised at how quickly your confidence grows.

Below are practical, low-pressure ways to strengthen your social impact at work, even if you’d rather be anywhere else than making conversation in the break room.

What Being a People Person Really Means

When you think of a people person, you probably picture someone who is naturally charismatic. The kind of person who walks into a room and immediately becomes the center of attention—without even trying.

It’s common to assume charisma is something you’re either born with or you’re not. Like eye color. Or height. Or the ability to flirt without cringing.

But charisma isn’t genetic fate. It’s behavioral. It’s communication. It’s presence.

Are some people more naturally gifted? Absolutely. But even if you don’t start out feeling “socially smooth,” you can become better through consistent practice. And the best part? You don’t have to change your personality—you just have to upgrade how you connect.

Try to Relate Without Taking Over the Conversation

In an article written for Business Insider, psychologist Ronald Riggio says “Charismatic individuals express their feelings spontaneously and genuinely. This allows them to affect the moods and emotions of others” In other words, the excitement you feel for a project or an idea can rub off on others if you’re willing to let that emotion shine through.

Likewise, negative emotions can have the same impact.

Think Eeyore-ish behavior. Business Insider referred to it as “emotional contagion”.

How you feel can have a negative or positive impact on those around you.

One of Charles Dickens’s most (in)famous characters from A Christmas Carol Ebenezer Scrooge, after being greeted with a cheerful “Merry Christmas!” announced: “Every idiot who goes about with ‘Merry Christmas’ on his lips, should be boiled with his own pudding and buried with a stake of holly through his heart.”

As delightfully descriptive as that is, it’s not the best response to a holiday greeting.

A People Person Tip: Share, but Keep It Short

Nothing will play to your strengths of emotional connection more than listening to the person you’re conversing with.

Surprisingly, one of the best ways to become more charismatic is not by talking but to surrender the floor to the other person and hearing them out.

Similarly, asking questions will reiterate how well you actually listened. It will help make the other person feel heard and more importantly, significant to you. Keep in mind, listening goes hand-in-hand with body language.

Be aware of how you’re standing.

Are you facing the person? Are your eyes on your phone or their face? Are your arms in a relaxed position? Psychology Today agrees saying “By animating your body language, engage others.”

Express Genuine Emotion (Even If It’s Subtle)

You’ve probably noticed that being open about yourself goes hand-in-hand with building people person skills and you would be right. Certain things about your life should, of course, be kept private and decided by your own common sense and discretion but feel free to share exciting or enjoyable things.

Forbes points out that “when people come alive about their passions or hobbies, they immediately become a lot more charismatic.” Concluding that “being bored with life is never equated with charisma.”

Alan Carniol from Interview Success Formula noted that “When you talk about a passion-the challenge that keeps you up at night, the people about, how you want to impact the world for the better-your energy will come through.”

Think about the hobbies you’re currently enjoying. Have you been hesitant about sharing them with others? Keeping quiet about your collection of model cars? Think no one will like you if you admit to jamming to Barry Manilow every morning?

Think again!

Even if people don’t feel the same they’ll still enjoy getting to know you better and the energy you’ll radiate from sharing something you love. And no matter what anyone says, “Can’t smile without you” will always be a classic. Keep it real Manilow, keep it real.

Listen With the Intent to Ask Better Questions

Here’s a surprising truth: one of the best ways to become more likable is to talk less.

Great conversationalists aren’t necessarily the most entertaining. They’re the ones who make other people feel important. And that happens through real listening.

Instead of planning what you’ll say next, focus on what the person is actually saying. When you do, you’ll naturally ask better follow-up questions—which makes conversations feel deeper and more natural.

Either the presenter or attendee? Chances are that person was oozing confidence, and in turn, it fueled their charisma.

Want to know why? Just ask the Boy Scouts. They were prepared. In the same Forbes article, writer Simon Reynolds points out that “one of the most powerful ways to come across as charismatic is to really, really know your stuff.”

So the next time you’re preparing for a meeting, presentation, interview etc…go the extra mile to be as well prepared as you can. You’ll be surprised at how well your self-confidence will boost your people person skills.

Concern yourself more with building others up and you’ll be surprised at how frequently it will lift you as well.

Share What You Actually Like

Professional doesn’t mean robotic. One of the easiest ways to become more approachable is to let your personality show—just a little.

A lot of people stay quiet about their interests because they’re afraid of being judged. But most people don’t judge nearly as much as we think. In reality, they’re usually just happy to hear something real.

Forbes has pointed out that when people talk about their hobbies and passions, they often become more charismatic because their energy changes. They light up. They sound alive.

You don’t need a “cool” hobby. You just need to care.

Maybe you’re into cooking new recipes, playing games, running, watching K-dramas, collecting model cars, or even listening to old-school music every morning.

Even if others don’t share the same interest, they’ll enjoy getting to know you better. Enthusiasm is contagious—and authenticity makes you easier to connect with.

You’re Closer Than You Think

Becoming a people person doesn’t mean turning into a loud extrovert or forcing yourself into uncomfortable social performances. It means practicing connection with intention.

Start small:

• Relate briefly

• Express genuine emotion

• Ask better questions

• Share what you enjoy

• Prepare more than usual

• Stay grounded and humble

Over time, these habits stack. And eventually, you’ll become the kind of people person others feel comfortable around—without pretending to be someone else.

With Toner Connect in your corner, you’ve got the tools to grow, improve, and build confidence one conversation at a time. Keep practicing, keep showing up, and trust the process.

Because the truth is: you’re much closer to becoming a people person than you think.

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